


Gay Pride and Prejudice

by thebatjokesonyou



Category: The LEGO Batman Movie (2017), The LEGO Movie (2014)
Genre: Batjokes, F/F, F/M, Has some religious tones, M/M, Multichapter, SpaceCops, This'll be a long one folks, constructioncop, super gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-11-19 04:56:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11306118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebatjokesonyou/pseuds/thebatjokesonyou
Summary: In a divine twist of fate, Finn gives his high school friend his old legos before he heads off to college, making her the Girl Upstairs. Subsequently, Emmet, Batman and everybody else have to deal with a Goddess who seems heck-bent on making things in their world exactly how she wants it. Even if that means changing things up a bit.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some of you are probably wondering why I'm not working on my other multi-chapter fic and it's because I wanted to take a lil breather and work on a few one-shots and see how this would turn out! It's an idea that I've had for awhile, I just thought it would be cool to at least write this first chapter. I might continue it if I really like it, so, who knows? Batsy and Joker aren't gonna be here but they will be here next chapter! (If I write it)

"Are you sure you want all this?" Finn asked for the seventh time as he walked around Cloud Cuckoo Land. He wanted one last look at things before he did this because knowing Kitty, he also knew things would never look the same.

Kitty nodded quickly, picking up some of the minifigs and studying them, a grin on her face. "They're all adorable! Why would I not want them? I'm staying here for community and who knows when you're gonna come back here. I'd take great care of 'em!" She assured, setting Frank down in Bricksburg.

Finn let out a small sigh of relief. "Really, I was thinking about donating it all but it didn't feel right. Most places end up throwing everything away since they're a choking hazard or pieces get lost. I knew you'd appreciate them more." He pat the Clown Town tent fondly, remembering when he built it.

Kitty giggled, twirling around and being careful to not knockdown Gotham tower. "I loved all your Lego stories! You used to write the best ones in middle school. These guys would be great for RPs or at least helping me with my own writing." The curly haired brunette went over to the construction site, fishing out a very plain looking worker. "Wait, Finn!" Kitty called out to him, dangling the little worker in her fingers. "Is this one Emmet?"

Finn peeled his eyes, leaning a little closer from the step on the stairs. "Uhhh, yeah! Yeah, that one is!" He confirmed, running back upstairs as he yelled to be heard. "Hurry up and get up here! My mom made us tacos!"

"Coming~!" Kitty chimed back, setting Emmet down carefully, a smirk on her features. "Don't worry, Emmet. You'll be in good hands now~" The freckled girl coo'd, giving Emmet one last pat before she dashed upstairs. How could anyone miss Taco Tuesday when Finn's mom was doing the cooking?

。。。

**2 WEEKS LATER**

Emmet awoke to his alarm clock, sitting up and starting to yell his, "GOOD MO-" before he saw Wyldstyle shift and he quieted down immensely. "rning, apartment." He whispered, gently sliding out of the bed. That's when reality hits that once again, he's the only person he knows who wishes they could do the old morning routine. It's taken plenty of time and practice, but he's finally learned to repress the "GOOD MORNING, CITY!" He used to shout out the window, lest he want some complaints from people who were determined to sleep in or had worked during the night. Before, it hadn't been an option to skip out on the morning ritual. Emmet sort of wished there was an option to start the morning ritual again. The construction worker sighed before composing himself, quickly and quietly getting ready for work, a little bit sloppy as he always was without the book but doing well just the same.

Planty sat on the bottom bunk of the double decker couch per usual, having enough room to where Wyldstyle could easily see and set him into the "give him a drink" holder. (Emmet insisted they call it that and give him a bit of water in it since he felt as though it would be kinda rude to call Planty a drink) The leaves of said plant rustled a little when Emmet took a seat down next to him.

Emmet flipped through channels, knowing he technically worked a later shift now but still got up this early to watch the cartoons that came on every morning. The usual channel he tuned into announced there would be two brand new cartoons starting next week and Emmet had to suppress a loud cheer at the information. One great thing that came from the change in power was definitely the variety of shows and explosion of creativity in them. "Can you believe it Planty? _Two_ brand new cartoons in _one_ week?? Aw man, I'm so excited!" Emmet whisper-shouted to his fellow couch companion, eyes wide and shining at the mere thought of it.

"That sounds nice." Wyldstyle laughed a little, walking in. "I still can't believe you like these cartoons that much." She shook her head to herself in a bit disbelief, moving Planty to his special holder and sat down next to Emmet, laying her head on his shoulder. "What've we got playing this morning?"

Even though they'd been a couple for awhile now, Emmet still stuttered and blushed every time she was physical in anyway, shape or form with him. "U-Um...Powderpuff Gals, Spongeblock, uh..." Speaking at this point was useless and he knew it. He could try but he'd just end up saying absolute gibberish.

Thankfully, the home phone rang, Wyldstyle hopping up and getting it in a second. "This is Wyldstyle and Emmet Brickowski speaking! What's up?" She flipped her hair, not missing a beat as Emmet walked over to listen.

"Uh, Emmet? Wyldstyle? We have a biiiiig issue and I uh," Benny began, sucking in huge breath before he shouted into the phone. "I'M FREAKING OUT GUYS, I DUNNO WHAT TO DO! I mean, maybe I'm making a big deal but OH MY GOSH, THIS IS SUPER SERIOUS!" The 80's astronaut yelled and yelled into the phone, clearly in a panic.

"Benny, Benny calm down!" Wyldstyle urged, having to move the phone away from her so she wouldn't go deaf in one ear. "Are we all going to meet somewhere? Is that what you're talking about?" She questioned, wanting to know what was so horrible that Benny had to call this early and screech into their phone.

Benny was nodding to himself and Wyldstyle on the other end of the line. "Yes, YES! Meet me and every other Master Builder at the Bricksburg Observatory! I'll show you what I'm talking about then but this is super duper serious! PLEASE HURRY!" The call then cut off, presumably from Benny having quickly hung up.

Wyldstyle and Emmet met eyes with each other, Wyldstyle's confirmed and focused and Emmet's wide and terrified. "Emmet, I'll build a motorbike big enough to fit the two of us and I need you to take us to the observatory. You've been there before, right?" She quickly opened the door, walking down the apartment steps in a rush.

"Once, on a school field trip!" Emmet answered, walking down the steps and locking the door behind him, not even needing to see Wyldstyle's look of concern to know it was there. "Don't worry, I know exactly how to get there!"

。。。

A flurry of vehicles, UFOs and what may have been people running/flying at inhumane speeds went past Bad Cop's window as he slept. The blinds of said windows were shut, the door was triple locked and the entire apartment was so dark, it wasn't surprising that he'd missed it all.

Well really, the only thing he missed was Good Cop. He missed Good Cop's voice, Good Cop's charisma, Good Cop's politeness, Good Cop's optimism, Good Cop's everything. He missed him existing and as much as he wanted to get facial reconstruction surgery or something, he felt like it wouldn't be the same. The sharpie he'd drawn on was merely a mask, something to try and cheer everyone up. Good Cop was gone.

Bad Cop had fallen asleep thinking about that in his sad, dark little apartment. Thinking about how he hadn't saved his brother or how he'd actually Kragled his parents or all the awful things he'd done for President Business. Regret couldn't even begin to describe how he felt. Shame, fear, embarrassment, that was the tip of an ever expanding ice burg, built upon his own loneliness and insecurity. He'd never been this alone before. Good Cop had always been there for him, he'd taken that for granted but now, he was on his own. It felt gosh darny darn awful waking up, eyes bleary as he reached for the shades on his nightstand.

_"Good morning, buddy!"_

He awoke with a huge headache, sitting up halfheartedly and yawning loudly, eyes half lidded. "Good mornin', Good." Bad Cop greeted tiredly back, still half asleep as he trugged over to the bathroom, opening the door before it hit him. "Good?!" Had he been holding something, he would have dropped it, but Bad Cop was merely frozen in place, eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets.

_"Of course! Did ya miss me, Baddie?"_

Bad Cop felt tears sting at the corner of his eyes, jaw nearly dropping to the floor as he was more than overjoyed to hear that voice again. It had been far too long. "Of course! B-But how are you here?! Business, he erased you!" He reminded himself, hating to try and wake up from such a beautiful dream, if that's what this was.

Good Cop giggled knowingly within the confined mindscape they shared, as though he had some big secret he'd soon share with his dear counterpart. _"I know, I know! But She brought me back, Bad! She said we deserved to be together again and that She had biiiiiig plans for us, buddy!"_ He still spoke in that sweet, friendly way he always had.

"She? She who?" Bad Cop had an infinite amount of questions forming, needing all of them to be answered ASAP. Good had come back seemingly from out of nowhere and was mentioning a woman who had somehow done it to them. A Master Builder perhaps? Could Master Builders do things like that?

Good Cop laughed once again, but it now had a strangely content sound to it. _"Well, it was The Girl Upstairs, Bad! She fixed me up and put me right back here. Such a benevolent gal. I saw her with my own two eyes!"_

Confused and still shocked, Bad went into the bathroom, facing the mirror. He hadn't paid much attention to it, having done the basic functions he had used to do with pride and meaning as simply as he could for the last 3 weeks. He was taken off guard by Good suddenly switching in.

Good Cop's face was as good as new, cleaner, younger looking even. He had the sweet face he'd had before Business had attempted to wipe from existence. Good's eyes were studying his own face, impressed and rather cheery.

 **"It's like it never even happened..."** Bad Cop managed to choke out, still full to the brim with an array of emotions. He'd been giving his own little prayers for all these weeks that he'd at least have a bit of Good Cop back but this was beyond his expectations.

Good laughed out loud at that, his gaze soft at the mirror as he knew Bad Cop could see it. "See? She fixed me up real good. And She said that She'd be taking care of us and everyone else from now on." He confirmed, recounting the moment with fondness.

Bad Cop was just happy to have Good Cop back and was more than willing to listen to him. **"How am I supposed to thank her? And what happened to the Man Upstairs?"** The questions were still yearning to be answered, more and more of them forming at the sight of Good's face.

Good Cop shushed Bad Cop, putting his claw to his face. "I'll tell you everything once you're calm, buddy! We have a lot of work to do soon! I wanna repay Her for this gift and for all the things She's going to do for everyone! I think She has a little something planned for today..." He skipped out of the bathroom, avoiding the trash and opened the window, grinning at the sight of Wyldstyle and Emmet zooming past their apartment on the motorbike. That was a definite sign of some change to come. "Just as I thought! I guess it's better to just tell you everything right now than wait later." Good Cop went over to their couch and decided to explain the experience he had and how he'd met the Girl Upstairs.


	2. Peanut Butter and Batsy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the fic pulling me out of my Lego Slum and I know it's not the Double Dad Disaster but gosh darn it, it's a LEGO fic. I know you guys have been /dying/ for BatJokes and a conclusion to that fic but just hold on. I've been back in Hetalia Hell, drowning myself in it because I just love it so much. I missed writing for that fandom and doing my RPs but I know I've already started writing here and I do love my minifig babies just as much as I love my national infants. I'll start putting both of those on here and do my best to trudge through it all. I'm super duper sorry for making you all wait and I hope these updates will make it worthwhile. 
> 
> This chapter includes the blossoming BatJokes I promised as a reward for the wait! As always, comments, kudos and pick up lines are totally appreciated. 
> 
> Also, quick fun fact! A lot of the BatJokes section of this chapter came from an unfinished RP I did with a friend. Brownie points goes to anyone who can spot where I had to start writing on my own!

Kitty was on her phone once again, typing away as she did so. She was, of course, talking to her dear Canadian cutie, Maddie. The same Maddie she'd had a crush on since middle school who, no matter what, would never really leave her mind completely. It was kind of scary to her, how impossibly obsessed she was with someone so far away. Kitty was pretty lucky that those feelings were reciprocated by her snowy sweetheart, otherwise, well...it's tough to say. They were typing away until a skype call was suggested and well, why wouldn't they go ahead and chat? So the calls were answered, mushy greetings exchanged and then a topic Kitty had been more than excited to share finally came up. "So, you know how Finn went off to college, right? Well, I got all those old legos of his!"

"That's great, babe!" Maddie smiled on her own end, playing with a few loose strands of her short hair. "You know how popular his stories are online? It's like there's this mini fanbase trying to explode right now! If you showed you owned the original minifigs, you'd probably make plenty of friends in the community."

Kitty laughed, currently in the basement as she went over to Gotham, running her finger through a little carnival within the city. "I know, I know! And I'm totally ready to do that. But what I'm really focused on is trying to continue the story for Finn. I mean, his version was cute and all but it's 2017! I wanna, ya know, give a little bit more to the story to make it better!" She excitedly spun around the ferris wheel, pushing it with her index finger.

Maddie hummed through the phone, thinking on it as well. "But what is there to improve? I mean, if you're looking from ideas from me, you know you're looking in the wrong place. Most of the good ideas you've had probably sound a lot like mine or are just straight up the same. Unless it's including Marvel heroes. Because you totally should." Spiderman would be a perfect minifig, he should have been in the set already. Maddie didn't see why not.

"I totally will, baby, just for you~" Kitty promised, a blush on her face as she crooned at her rather distant girlfriend. "But yeah, I had a feeling you'd say something like that. Which is why I want your help in doing something even cooler than merging Marvel to the Lego Universe." She bit her lip to not immediately give away her little surprise.

"Cooler, huh? I'm listening, princess." Maddie kept playing with that strand of hair but was listening intently to see if Danielle had a truly excellent plan or not. Her girlfriend had plenty of moments of brilliance but even she wasn't always flawless. That was probably why she was calling her to double check on it. And to hear her voice again, Maddie smugly added. Who could resist it?

Kitty was sent into a fit of giggles at the nickname and spoke when she'd finally calmed down enough. "Well Maddie-cake, I wanted to do something super special! Something I think the fandom would absolutely love and adore!" A dramatic pause took place and Kitty waited until the suspense was thick enough before she spoke again. "I'm going to make a bunch of pairings that wouldn't have had a chance at being cannon before, cannon. And they're all gonna be gay."

A high pitched squeal of approval came from the other side of the line along with several, "YES!" sounds to complete it. "Oh babe, that's the best idea I've ever heard! It's progressive and adorable and perfect! Since you own the fandom, you'll have full control over it! You could make so many absolutely wonderful ships cannon!" Maddie swooned, her voice pleasant and distant. "How did I ever get so lucky?"

"Aw baby, I didn't know you were a mind reader! That's just what I was thinking!" Kitty sweet talked through the other line before she excitedly babbled on and on about her plan and listened to every single suggestion the love of her life made to improve upon it.

。。。

Batman was currently rushing through Gotham City. His signal had gone off and Barbra quickly informed him that this mission could only be done by Batman and Batman alone. There had been a month's lull in crime which gave him more time to spend with his family but also made him realize Barbra wasn't his best fit. And he was pretty sure she thought Superman was cute. Ew. Gross. But his casual thoughts gave way to more serious ones as he ran over to the scene, several police cars ready and aimed at the building the Joker was in. Was it bombs? A hostage situation? He frantically searched around before deciding to slip into the building and try to find Joker himself.

The Joker, the big bad bad guy himself, stood in the highest room of the building. A tall window provided the light from the moon outside, but other than the pale white glow, there was absolutely no light source to give away what nasty traps might be hidden inside. Joker giggled, staring down at the city below as he adjusted his suit, making sure he looked presentable as he awaited for the famed vigilante to arrive.

The Dark Knight managed to run up, scaling the building and checking the entire structure, frustrated and almost a bit surprised to see no traps waiting for him. "What are you up to, Joker?" He growled to himself, finally seeing the silhouette of the clown prince before going for the window foot first (per usual).

"Ah, Batman! Just the man in tights I wanted to see." The Joker chimed after the vigilante had crashed through the window, his already wide grin widening just a bit more. He took a step back, humming a somewhat chipper tune as he did so.

"Joker." Batman growled, his deep voice once again carried his name, grabbing his shirt and making eye contact. "What are you planning?" He repeated the cliche question he always tried to get out of Joker.

"Aw, c'mon Batsy, why must you always be so serious?" Joker responded in his usual unnaturally optimistic voice. "Can't I just invite you somewhere without you assuming that some terrible plot is behind it?"

Batman loosened his grip, still watching him with a glare. "It's been a month since Gotham's even had a robbery issue. I know you're the only one who could prevent anyone from making a move for whatever reason you have. Trying to most likely fool me into a calm state. But when you take big breaks, it usually turns into bigger problems."

"Aw, I just wanted to give you a break! I mean, fighting crime every day, it must be exhausting." Joker coo'd in a mockingly sympathetic way, his grin widening again. Obviously, he was just being nice to his good guy, he couldn't always wear him thin.

Batman scoffed, looking around the entire room. "What do you have planned? Gotham's entire police force is outside and I'm the only one in here. So what's going on here?" He tried to sound more intimidating, masking his actual confusion and annoyance. Finally, something exciting occurs for the first time in 30 whole days and it's starting to make his head throb already.

"Aw, c'mon, I don't have anything planned. Honest!" Joker hummed, leaning back on the heels of his feet in a pose that could only be described as cute...well, it would've been cuter if his trademark smile wasn't there to mess with it. "Here, we can even shake on it!" The clown held out his hand. An innocent gesture, one that didn't match with the situation at hand.

Batman kept glaring at him, pointing at his hand. "Is there a buzzer on that hand, Joker? Or the other one?" He pointed to the other hand, not wanting to fall for any trick.

Joker grinned. "Ah, that's just like you Batsy. So careful." He hummed as he showed off both of his hands, revealing that neither of them had a buzzer.

Batman stared at them both, walking forward some more. This felt like another one of Joker's games, something he wasn't going to have fun playing. But he was going to have to play to get anywhere. "Fine. If you aren't scheming, then what are you doing in here?"

"I was just waiting for you to show up." Joker hummed, grinning. "And, now that you're here..." He grinned, holding his hand out to his side and snapping his fingers.

That's when the lights flashed on, revealing the horrors, the awful terrors that had been hidden in the dark. There, in the ground in front of them, was a...

_Picnic basket?_

"Doesn't really suit your style, Joker." Batman commented right off the bat, starting to feel snarky. "What's inside? A bomb? A baby?" He knew it wasn't good to be so cocky but he couldn't help it. Joker seemed even more lost than usual, sloppier, worse than he had remembered.

"Well, unless you count peanut butter jelly sandwiches as a crime against humanity, then nothing bad is in here." The Joker hummed as he opened the small container, revealing the little sandwiches wrapped in thin layers of plastic to keep them fresh.

Batman raised an eyebrow, still deciding to play along. "You brought me here to watch you eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?" He spoke slowly, still trying to see if he could find some sort of answer, a hint of reason to this, even a part of some dumb riddle.

"No, no, Batsy, I brought you here so we could _share_ these peanut butter sandwiches." Joker hummed, happily sitting himself next to the picnic basket.

"A picnic? The two of us?" Batman was more than skeptical over it being poisoned or having some sort of neuro-modification toxin. "I'm supposed to eat this with you?" He pointed to the sandwiches, trying to make a lil more sense out of this whole event.

"Well yeah. That's what ya do at a picnic." Joker laughed like Batman was being super silly. "There would've been cake too, but Harley's running late with the delivery."

"Delivery..." Batman was starting to fret, thinking that it most likely had something to do with a bomb or weapon of some sort. Best to stall until it arrived then. "And it's just peanut butter sandwiches?"

"Yes. They're just plain old peanut butter sandwiches." Joker hummed, opening one and taking a bite just to prove it was okay to eat.

Batman grunted, picking one up and studying it intensely. "Where am I supposed to sit anyways?" He studied all around his environment and everything in it, his brain still stuck on the idea that this was a scheme of some sorts.

"Right here." Joker hummed, motioning to the empty space right beside him. He gave it two happy little pats, not demanding or even insisting but a pleasant offer.

Still nervous, Batman sat down where he was instructed to, keeping his composure. "Alright. Why do you want me sitting next to you?"

"Mmmm, no reason~" Joker said with a high pitched giggle. It very much resembled a teenage school girl talking about her crush in front of her friends at a slumber party.

"Joker..." Batman began warningly. He wanted answers but he was beginning to realize there might not be answers to some of the questions he was asking. This just felt strange, stranger than any normal Joker encounter. If you could even call those normal.

Joker handed him another one of the sandwiches, giggling like an idiot. Or a mad man. It was hard to tell at this point. To be honest, it was probably a good mixture of both.

"Joker, why are we on our own eating sandwiches like this? Gotham's finest wouldn't be hanging out waiting there unless they thought something was wrong." Batman tried to bring it up, just wanting a peek into what was going on. He didn't even make a move to eat either of the peanut butter treats, not at all hungry.

Joker suddenly sighed as if he'd been finally been caught red-handed by the masked crusader. "Aw well, I have a little confession to make, Batsy-boy."

Batman stared at the sandwich with even more scrutiny than before, senses on high alert after such a statement. "And what would that be, Joker?" He asked, voice getting low as Joker was getting dangerously close to Batman finally trying to just punch it out of him.

"This little picnic of ours wasn't my idea. I've thought of similar scenarios but nothing quite as..." Joker trailed off, trying to find the most appropriate way to describe all this. "Vanilla as this. Sweet and simple, no surprises or twists in flavor."

That wasn't what he was expecting at all. The Dark Knight raised an eyebrow, finally starting to become convinced that this may not be as stressful as his usual situations. "Well, whose idea was it?"

Joker snickered at the inquiry, biting his lip to try and hold more back but absolutely failing to keep his composure as loud laughter spilled right on out of him. He held his sides, the sandwich forgotten as he laughed and laughed.

Batman watched, used to this sort of reaction from the clown but still a tad bit unnerved. At least by now, he would have gotten an answer or had more of a clue but the world's greatest detective still felt pretty lost right now. "Are you going to tell me or are you just going to laugh?" He struggled harder with the inner demon telling him that violence was the only way Joker would tell him the truth.

Joker wiped away a stray tear, shaking his head as the chuckles rolled right on out of him. "I'm sorry! Oh, geez, I'm just overwhelmed is all! I mean, the answer to this just sounds so ridiculous out loud, I can't help but laugh a little when I explain it!"

"What makes it so ridiculous?" All of Batman's attention was on his chortling nemesis, more than impatient to know what had him laughing so hard over what he said was a simple picnic.

Joker gave a few last restrained snorts and fell onto his back before he said it. "She makes things that are so ridiculous sound so perfect, so...right. She and I talked in my dreams, Batman, dreams that I'm not sure anyone else is experiencing but when I asked, She said I wasn't the only one. She was the one who said I should make this big hullaballoo out of the picnic and make sure it was just you and me here. Harls won't be anywhere near us when she delivers the cake and that's just the way She wanted it." He explained, smiling in what seemed like a daze and taking another bite of his peanut butter sandwich.

"Harley?" Batman offered, now racking his brains to think of any female who could have this much influence over him. Mother Mae Eye? No, there'd be a lot more pie if that was the case, not a cake. Ivy? More plants, more of a natural environment. What girl in the world could be that powerful? No one, male, female or otherwise tended to get Joker to obey like this so, who?

Joker shook his head again, now riddled with giggles. "No, no! Aw, Batsy, didn't you ever go to Sunday school?" He gave off a tooth filled grin, his mouth perfectly reflecting a mixture of joy and what was most likely madness. "Our big boy abandoned us! And he left us with Her. The Girl Upstairs." He said the last words as if they were made of liquid gold.

 _"The Girl Upstairs?"_ , Batman thought to himself. _"Nothing about her has come up before and Joker's never mentioned her. She must be a new villain that Joker's very fond of."_ For some strange reason, after that thought, Batman wanted to punch something.

Now nodding his head, Joker played with his sandwich, sighing as if nothing bad ever happened in the world anymore. "Oh, Batsy. She's so wonderful! I mean, She asked me how I felt about you and since I couldn't stab Her, She's the first good therapist I've ever had. And by the end of it, She had all my answers for me and I knew every single word of it was true." The Clown Prince of Crime set the sandwich back into the basket and sat back up.

Batman was becoming increasingly worried that Joker may have really gone off the deep end. Hallucinating, vivid dreaming, listening to things that weren't there, what was going on? "So how do you feel about me?" The question tumbled right on out of him, before he could think of anything else to say.

It was then that Joker lost any form of his usual glee, scooting a bit closer and trying to make eye contact with Batman as he did so. "See, that's...that's the thing. I finally know how I feel, Batsy. And that's great, I'm glad but She...She said She knew how you felt too. And that's the part where I don't know if I can believe Her." Joker gave a half hearted chuckle, still crawling towards the Bat.

Batman never looked away, searching Joker's body for a weapon, something he could have missed earlier and was shocked to find nothing on him. Why else would he get so close? The words Joker spoke simply weren't connecting with him.

"She wanted me to get you to eat one first but I don't think I can wait that long for-" Joker tried to speak but simply lost his patience as he grabbed Batman by the back of the cowl and pulled him in for a deep kiss.

To say Batman was caught off guard was an understatement. The understatement of the century, in fact. His mouth was wide open and those surprisingly smooth lips felt so good against his own, Batman didn't know how to function as they kissed. It was chaste, he was grateful for that but it was still kissing. It was still kissing the Joker. When that thought popped into his head, Batman backed up slightly, his arm pinned to his side by Joker. Those lips followed him, Batman's brain short circuiting and a gasket nearly being blown when Joker finally separated.

The Clown Prince of Crime's usually pale face was now tinted a light pink and if one looked into his eyes, they'd see a twinge of pastel pink in them as well. "That felt even better than I thought it would." Joker managed to blurt in the least intelligent way possible.

Batman's face was cherry red, eyes wide as he could only stare at the Joker. "You kissed me. On the lips. For more than two seconds." He responded in an equally brilliant manner, still rebooting his grey matter.

"Heck yeah I did. I've wanted to do that for at least 30 years." Joker admitted with a bashful but proud look on his face, biting his little lip with one fang. "I mean, you're handsome and smart and make life so fun, I couldn't really stand it without you. Or still be alive since you've technically saved me since day one." The green haired mental asylum escapee gave a little shrug as if it really didn't need to be said but he'd said it anyways.

Plenty of retorts came to Batman's mind, all of them rather mean spirited in nature. So many awful things he could have said to him, so many cruel ways of rejecting him, of what he should have said to his city's most wanted criminal, the man who cost him so many hours of sleep. But what tumbled out of his mouth was the phrase, "I liked that. The kiss, I mean."

To say Joker's eyes lit up is like saying when a dam bursts, there's a mere trickle of water that comes from it. It was more akin to watching two eyes become giant orbs that reflected the bright and vibrant Christmas displays of every rich home in America. "You mean that, Batsy? You really liked it?" Joker's voice was a small, disbelieving one and to keep up the Christmas theme, mirrored a child who was sitting on a mall Santa's lap for the very first time.

Behind the cowl and unbeknownst to Batman, his eyes flashed pink for a moment before his suave smirk he usually reserved for Bruce's dinner parties came to his face. "Yes. In fact," The hero took his nemesis' hand, pulling him close enough to speak right into his ear. "I'd like to do that again."

**Author's Note:**

> If you'd like to commission me for a fic like this or anything else I've written, you can totally contact me through my Instagram @hypnotichetalia or you can just buy me a coffee! (https://ko-fi.com/R5R4JH14#)


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